Tag Archives: goals

7 questions to ask if you’re struggling with your weight

September 20, 2016 By in Get motivated Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Q1. What would weight loss make more possible?

It might be body satisfaction, better health or more happiness. It is different for everyone, so list whatever it would truly make possible for you.

Q2. What would achieving these things make more possible?

It might be more confidence, more energy, or even being a better parent. Again, list whatever it would make possible for you.

Q3. What would achieving these things make more possible?

And keep on asking this same question until it no longer makes sense, you can’t answer it after considered thought, or you start repeating what you’ve already said. The purpose here is to thoroughly explore the energy that is sitting behind your weight loss goal.

Q4. Now, of all the things you’ve written (body satisfaction, more energy, being a better parent, etc, etc.) which is the deal-breaker or deal-breakers?

Which one or ones pull on your heart, and make you feel that you cannot live without? Be selective here. Which is truly most important to you?

Q5. For this chosen item or items, brainstorm: how else could you achieve this, if weight loss wasn’t an option?

What are all the other ways you can improve your body satisfaction, get more energy or be a better parent, for example, if you couldn’t lose weight?

Q6. Out of all of these new strategies, which one jumps out at you?

What new strategy excites you and really helps you to achieve what you selected?

Q7. What action steps are required to achieve this newly chosen strategy?

Be specific here, and put a timeline in place stating when you will complete it.

Then start.

When you have the willingness to turn your struggles upside down, you’ll likely discover a greater sense of purpose, motivation and hope. 

As all of a sudden, you see more clearly what it is that you are actually struggling with.

[PS. i) Yes, you can still have a weight loss goal, if it is helpful, as part of this new bigger picture. ii) You can also try asking these 7 questions for just about any other goal you’ve been struggling with. Their usefulness certainly exceed weight loss.]

Why healthy living can’t wait for tomorrow

June 28, 2016 By in Change your behaviour Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , 6 Comments

The biggest problem with the, “I’ll just eat cake today and start eating well tomorrow” mindset, is that it assumes it will be just as easy to change tomorrow as it is today.

It’s not.

Decades of research finds that today’s decision is connected to tomorrow’s behaviour. When you choose to behave in a certain way today, you increase the likelihood that you will behave that way habitually (without conscious thought) the next time you find yourself in the same situation.

Our choices define our habits. And our habits define who we are.

To start choosing what’s important over what’s easy, it helps to:

  1. Find your motivation: Ask, how does each behaviour contribute to the person that I want to become, and why does that truly matter to me? If you’re not feeling motivated to change, you need to keep digging, or explore a new behaviour.
  2. Be mindful: When you find yourself about to engage in an old habit, breathe calmly and recognise the unhelpful thoughts or emotions that are driving the behaviour. Once you understand what’s driving the behaviour, it’s easier to separate yourself from it.
  3. Understand habits: Remind yourself that this decision not only affects who you are today. It also affects who you are tomorrow.

How you choose to do anything, is actually how you choose to do everything.

5 steps to creating a life you love (and a freebie)

May 30, 2016 By in Change your thinking Tags: , , , , , , , 9 Comments
  1. Be true to what your heart desires.
  2. Drop your stories and believe you can create any and all possibilities.
  3. Be all of you and share your vulnerabilities with others.
  4. Do not let the judgements or opinions of others influence you.
  5. Remember that you are capable and trust that you are supported in all ways.

[Hattip to Jules O’Neil, whose teachings are the source of this post.]

Plus, you can download and print my body acceptance manifesto for free, here. Since body image is something many of us struggle with, and improving it predicts healthier behaviours, confidence and motivation, I hope you take the time to read, print or share.

How to find the meaning in life

March 9, 2016 By in Boost your happiness Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

The meaning of life question (“Why are we all here?”) is philosophical, and hasn’t been answered with consensus scientifically.

But the meaning in life question (“How can I find meaning and significance within my life?”) is one that has.

Here’s how:

  1. Align your everyday behaviours and choices with the person that you want to become. Our everyday actions bring meaning when they move us towards our longer-term goals and values.
  2. Use your unique strengths to contribute to something greater than yourself. This may be through charity work, pursuing a greater sense of spirituality, undertaking a new and fulfilling career, or often just engaging with your current work in a new and more purposeful way.
  3. Know that you are worthy and capable. Believe and trust that you are enough, and that you can indeed make a difference.
  4. Accept and embrace the setbacks, pain and adversity in life. After all, it is these events that can provide a greater sense of meaning than a constant state of peace and happiness ever can.
  5. Finally, prioritise connection with others. Our life is most meaningful when it is shared.

Having greater meaning in our lives predicts not just our mental health, but also our physical health.

And whilst science hasn’t answered the meaning of life question, I like to think the answer is partly about living a life that is full of meaning.

The most important ingredient of success

February 8, 2016 By in Get motivated Tags: , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Is likely believing you can be successful.

Belief is the breeding ground for confidence, effort and persistence. And it is these qualities that predict success much better than your natural ability can.

When you believe that you are capable, you are (much) more likely to:

  • Set more difficult goals,
  • Engage in the behaviours necessary to achieve these,
  • Put in more and better-directed effort, and most importantly,
  • Persevere through the obstacles and challenges that come.

And belief not only predicts goal achievement. It also predicts physical and mental health, as it:

  • Helps to promote optimal well-being,
  • Is crucial for successful change in virtually any healthy behaviour, and
  • Directly improves your body’s physiological response to stress, including strengthening of the immune system.

The best news is that just like your health or fitness, belief is something you can actively develop.

Here’s how:

  1. Think about your strengths and reminisce on previous times you have achieved something important to you.
  2. Find and talk to people who have achieved what you want to, from a similar position to where you find yourself now.
  3. Spend some time imagining yourself actually achieving your goals.
  4. Surround yourself with people that believe in you, and question the people who don’t.
  5. Practice relaxation and deep breathing during times of failure, and be conscious not to explain your failure with a lack of ability alone, and
  6. Remind and affirm to yourself what we know to be true: that you are more than capable.

Develop an unquestionable belief in your ideas, goals and capacity for achievement, and you’ll not only be healthier.

You’ll also find yourself with very few limits to what you can actually accomplish.

Why you should take a new approach to your New Years resolutions

December 29, 2015 By in Boost your happiness Tags: , , , , , , , 3 Comments

Here’s an exercise well worth doing:

Think about your life at a specific time in the future. Imagine everything has gone as well as it possibly could.

You have worked hard, used your strengths and succeeded at accomplishing each of your life goals at that point in time.

This moment is the realisation of your life dreams.

Now, for 15-20 minutes, on 4 separate occasions, write continuously about what you imagined.

When we take the time to write about ourself accomplishing our long-term goals, we benefit. These benefits are substantial and numerous, and include:

  • improved mood and well-being,
  • more optimistic thinking,
  • greater clarity about our motivations, priorities and long-term goals,
  • improved confidence,
  • integration of our emotions and life experiences in a more meaningful way,
  • enhanced physical health, and
  • a lower chance of getting ill.

When done right, the process of writing our New Years resolutions can not only benefit us one day in the future.

It can also benefit us today.

Why your dreams shouldn’t wait for tomorrow

November 19, 2015 By in Get motivated Tags: , , , , , , , 4 Comments

Because you are worthy of them today.

The most essential thing to understand is that there are no prerequisites to your worthiness.

Right now, you are worthy of love, of belonging and of having what your heart desires.

Right now, you are worthy of sharing your gifts, ideas and talents with the world, and you are worthy of being all of you, without the fear of judgement, ridicule or hurt from others.

Those feelings of doubt and fear that hold us back very rarely have anything to do with our actual capabilities, and very often have everything to do with the voice inside of our head. The very voice that looks down on us and says, “Are you sure you’re enough?”

Yes, you’re imperfect. Yes, you’ve made mistakes. Yes, you’ve got plenty of room still to grow.

But you are worthy. Not just tomorrow, but in this very moment, just the way that you are.

We’re ready when you are.

The 12 steps to setting (and achieving) your New Year’s resolutions

August 29, 2015 By in Change your behaviour Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Step 1. Brainstorm your dream list. Write a list of everything you may possibly want to achieve this year. Think big, without limits.

Step 2: Link each goal to your core life values. For each goal, ask yourself: Why is this important to me? What is it (exactly) that will make the sacrifice, discomfort and effort that’s required to achieve this goal truly worthwhile? If you don’t have a good answer, cross it off your list.

Step 3. Re-frame your remaining goals to capture your motivation. For example, the goals “Go to the gym” or “Lose weight” might become “A strategy to improve my fitness in an enjoyable and sustainable manner, which will be evidenced by having more energy and being able to enjoy playing with the kids when I get home from work.”

Step 4: Decide on what’s most important to you. You can’t be an Olympic marathon runner and our Prime Minister at the same time. Of the goals you have left, decide which are most important. I suggest choosing your top 4, that you truly believe can be achieved together over the course of 1 year.

Step 5: Ensure there is a balance. If all 4 goals are about climbing the corporate ladder, is that really how you want to spend your year? Research shows our well-being is highest when we find a balance between relationships, religion/spirituality, work and generosity/focusing beyond ourselves.

Step 6: Re-check before you commit. Ask yourself: are these goals really, truly how I want to invest much of my time this year? (Hint: If you’re not screaming out yes, the answer is probably no.)

Step 7: For each goal, write a (very) specific action plan to get you there. Decide on the small and simple behaviours you will commit to regularly that will get you to your goal. They should be things to do (go to the cycle class on Saturday mornings) as opposed to things not to do (stop eating chocolate). Consider also any extra skills, knowledge and support you’ll need, as well as the potential barriers that may come up.

Step 8: Create a clear timeline for your action plan. Divide your behaviours into steps you can do on a daily (or at least weekly) basis.

[Important: if you’re not extremely confident that you can do the action plan, read this post, or change it so that you are.]

Step 9: Plan exactly when and where you will do the actions. Choose both a time and a place that you will come across every day (or week).

Step 10: Each day (or week) you encounter that time and place, do the action. I highly recommend creating a chart that you can mark off every night before bed so that you can see your progress.

Step 11: Put a monthly reminder in your calendar to review your progress. Don’t wait until the end of the year to realise that what you have been doing hasn’t worked. If you find that at the end of the month you are not making consistent progress towards your yearly goal, revise your action plan (and double check that it’s truly an achievable goal).

If the problem is that you are not doing your action plan, either i) make the action plan easier, ii) understand and question your thoughts that are holding you back, or iii) make changes to your environment to better support your desired behaviour. (Note: Don’t beat yourself up here. It’s normal to fail – the trick is to learn from it and change accordingly.)

Step 12. Celebrate! Decades of research shows that when you do this process, it works.

That is, if you have the courage to face the possibility of failure, you also have the ability to make your dreams come true.

Why what you are striving for matters

August 24, 2015 By in Boost your happiness Tags: , , , 3 Comments

Research shows that the goals we strive for tomorrow have a powerful effect on the person that we are today.

When we strive for power, a control over others or the pursuit of material things, we typically languish. We get caught in a rat-race that we can never win, and can become easily distracted from what’s truly important in this life.

When we instead strive for connection, a sense of spirituality or generosity towards others, we typically flourish. Our well-being is high, our physical health good, and we find a sense of meaning, purpose and value within our everyday lives, allowing us to also enjoy the here and now.

If you want to be happy and flourish in this life, it’s not about asking what you can get from the world.

It’s about asking what the world can get from you.

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