Tag Archives: self-esteem

A Body Acceptance Manifesto

May 2, 2016 By in Love your body Tags: , , , , , , , , , 5 Comments

Body, more than anything, you must know you are both beautiful and enough. Exactly as you are, in this very moment.

The only words deserving of you come from a place of admiration and appreciation. Disgust, hate and fat have no place for you.

I wholeheartedly believe you are beautiful. Negative judgements – from others or my unconscious self – do not reflect you. I promise another perspective will not be given the power to undermine you.

I know that scales don’t define your worthiness. You are filled with an abundance of warmth, compassion and love. No number changes that.

I accept you will change, and that you will wrinkle, expand and sag. But know this will never change your beauty, nor how I feel about you.

I am aware there will always be slimmer, taller and more defined bodies than you. Yet your beauty is unique, and can never be diminished by the presence of another.

I commit to always being grateful for you, as you exist to always support and look after me. My words cannot express how much I admire you, or how thankful I am to have you.

I choose to feel pride and joy when sharing you. I will not hide you, or feel ashamed by you, when being with another. It is a privilege to give them the opportunity to admire and cherish you, exactly as I have learnt to.

Nutritious eating, regular exercise and adequate rest are not only aspirations for you. They are each daily practices. It is both my responsibility, and my privilege, to respect and nourish you.

Yet the greatest gift I can give you is my unconditional love. A love that supports you into becoming the best and healthiest version of you.

Although you may not be there yet, my admiration for you now is possible because I understand you are both a work of art, and a work in progress. Just as I am, too.

Body, I love you. All of you. Truly, deeply, unconditionally.

[Download and print the body acceptance manifesto for free, here.]

How to find the meaning in life

March 9, 2016 By in Boost your happiness Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

The meaning of life question (“Why are we all here?”) is philosophical, and hasn’t been answered with consensus scientifically.

But the meaning in life question (“How can I find meaning and significance within my life?”) is one that has.

Here’s how:

  1. Align your everyday behaviours and choices with the person that you want to become. Our everyday actions bring meaning when they move us towards our longer-term goals and values.
  2. Use your unique strengths to contribute to something greater than yourself. This may be through charity work, pursuing a greater sense of spirituality, undertaking a new and fulfilling career, or often just engaging with your current work in a new and more purposeful way.
  3. Know that you are worthy and capable. Believe and trust that you are enough, and that you can indeed make a difference.
  4. Accept and embrace the setbacks, pain and adversity in life. After all, it is these events that can provide a greater sense of meaning than a constant state of peace and happiness ever can.
  5. Finally, prioritise connection with others. Our life is most meaningful when it is shared.

Having greater meaning in our lives predicts not just our mental health, but also our physical health.

And whilst science hasn’t answered the meaning of life question, I like to think the answer is partly about living a life that is full of meaning.

The problem with the pursuit of higher self-esteem

October 29, 2015 By in Change your thinking Tags: , , , , , , 5 Comments

Higher self-esteem can only come when we judge our self-worth.

So when we decide to pursue higher self-esteem, we actually decide to follow a worldview that says, “Our self-worth can be changed and influenced by something external to us. Things like achievements and successes can determine our worthiness”.

The problem with this worldview is that it’s easy to live a life where we:

  1. Feel we are not good enough (low self-esteem), or
  2. Carry fear, anxiety or worry, because a future rejection or failure may mean we are no longer good enough (high self-esteem).

The alternative to self-esteem is unconditional self-acceptance.

With unconditional self-acceptance, we understand self-worth does not come with any terms and conditions. Instead, we see that we are already enough, and accept ourselves for all of who we are.

Finding unconditional self-acceptance

We move away from the pursuit of higher self-esteem and towards unconditional self-acceptance when we truly believe:

  • My self-worth can never be rated using external criteria. Doing so is illogical: I am already enough.
  • There is no rational reason for me to feel bad about or change the core of who I am. Any “imperfections” I have actually help to make me more unique, special and truly beautiful.
  • My actions, achievements and failures can be rated and improved when they help me to live a more fulfilling life. They can not be used to define me or my worthiness.
  • Mistakes are normal. Indeed, they are essential for my journey, growth and development.
  • I am so much more than the thoughts, opinions and judgements of others. Opinions and judgements can not define me, as they are only a reflection of the person who is doing the judging.

Change your beliefs, change your world

Make no mistake. The journey towards unconditional self-acceptance is a difficult one.

For most of us, it requires a change to the core beliefs that we hold about ourselves. Beliefs that are very different to what much of society tells us is true. And indeed, I still struggle with it, almost every day.

But it is so important.

The benefits of self-acceptance

Unconditional self-acceptance is often the pathway for:

  • Letting go of comparison, and being mindful and grateful for what you have right now.
  • Overcoming the anxiety that comes from hiding who you truly are, and finding the courage to be your authentic self.
  • Rising above the fear of failure, and finding confidence and belief within yourself to pursue what you really want in this life.
  • Seeing that rejection does not ever mean you are unworthy, inadequate or unlovable, and helping you to find hope and resilience during difficult times.
  • Being vulnerable and open with others, and inviting the opportunity for you to cultivate a deeper sense of connection.
  • Letting go of judgement, and allowing the creativity, skills and talents that lie within you to be seen and blossom.

Self-acceptance: the gift that keeps on giving

The last (but for me, most important) outcome of unconditional self-acceptance is that it helps us to become more accepting of others, too:

  • When we see ourselves as enough, we get better at seeing others as enough.
  • When we do not judge ourselves, we get better at not judging others.
  • When we no longer feel bad or insecure about who we are, we lose the need to make others feel bad or insecure about who they are.

When we become accepting of those around us, we give them the most amazing gift: we help them to see that they are enough, and should be so proud and accepting for all of who they are, too. And with greater self-acceptance, they can also help to spread this gift.

The very first step to making the world a more accepting place is to be the change that you want to see in the world: become more accepting of you.

After all, you are enough. Exactly the way that you are.

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