Author Archives: Tim Cassettari

The secret to having others see the world like you do

November 12, 2015 By in Change your thinking Tags: , , , , Leave a comment

Is to develop the ability to truly see the world just as they do.

You see, when disagreement arises with others, we have a choice. We can choose to make it either:

  1. Us versus them, or
  2. Us with them.

And together, we get to decide which one.

When we decide it’s us versus them, we follow our current thinking, and challenge the others perspective.

We defend and debate, and ensure an outcome that can only ever be win or lose (or at the very best, a compromise, where we both win a bit and lose a bit).

But when we instead decide it’s us with them, we put our current thinking aside for now, and each try to understand the others perspective. Suddenly, we’ve opened the door for internal growth, and a different outcome to appear.

Together, we can now:

  • explore each of our different perspectives,
  • truly understand the key issues, assumptions and values that were pulling us apart, and
  • work towards the possibility of developing a shared perspective and solution. One that addresses the conflicting issues and needs that gave rise to disagreement in the first place.

When we start with listening, empathy and an appreciation for disagreement, we allow ourselves to move away from win or lose, and open the possibility for win-win.

One of the easiest ways to get you to exercise more

November 9, 2015 By in Get motivated Tags: , , , , , Leave a comment

Is to stop saying “I will” and start asking “will I?”

“I will” implies requirement. You end up doing it only because you should do.

“Will I?” implies choice. You end up doing it only because you want to.

Research shows that simply asking ourselves “Will I go the gym?” is significantly more motivating than saying to ourselves “I will go to the gym”.

“Will I go to the gym?” engages the part of us that is motivated to go from within.

“I will go to gym” shuts the door on that very part from coming through.

If you want to change long-term, step 1 is to find the part inside of you that wants it.

Step 2, however, is all about giving it a choice to keep on coming back.

I will be happy when…

November 5, 2015 By in Boost your happiness Tags: , , , Leave a comment
  1. I get that pay rise.
  2. I have that house.
  3. I lose those 5kg.
  4. I win that award.

Of course, it’s all a lie.

Once we get that pay rise, have that house, lose those 5kg or win that award, we celebrate, but are soon right back to where we started. We just go looking for the very next thing that needs to be ticked off from our list.

The truth is, long-term happiness isn’t found from the outside.

It comes from how we view and interact with the world, not about what the world gives back to us. Scientific research suggests just 10% of our total long-term happiness is influenced by our life circumstances.

When we instead practice the art of embracing the strengths that we have today, cultivating the relationships that mean the most to us now, contributing to something greater than ourselves and having gratitude for what we have already got, we give up our search for happiness by looking into the future.

And this allows us to appreciate and find happiness in the present.

Why you shouldn’t eat like Elle Macpherson

November 2, 2015 By in Nutrition that works Tags: , , , , , Leave a comment

One of the main reasons I see for all the confusion in nutrition today?

People seeing association as causation.

Association is 2 things that occur at the same time. This doesn’t mean that one causes another.

Causation is a description of cause and effect. One only happens directly because of the other.

Yes, it’s sunny when you’re at the beach, and raining when your umbrella is up. But going to the beach or reaching for your umbrella won’t change the weather, of course.

If we understand this, why believe that eating how Elle Macpherson eats is the right thing to do?

The problem with the pursuit of higher self-esteem

October 29, 2015 By in Change your thinking Tags: , , , , , , 5 Comments

Higher self-esteem can only come when we judge our self-worth.

So when we decide to pursue higher self-esteem, we actually decide to follow a worldview that says, “Our self-worth can be changed and influenced by something external to us. Things like achievements and successes can determine our worthiness”.

The problem with this worldview is that it’s easy to live a life where we:

  1. Feel we are not good enough (low self-esteem), or
  2. Carry fear, anxiety or worry, because a future rejection or failure may mean we are no longer good enough (high self-esteem).

The alternative to self-esteem is unconditional self-acceptance.

With unconditional self-acceptance, we understand self-worth does not come with any terms and conditions. Instead, we see that we are already enough, and accept ourselves for all of who we are.

Finding unconditional self-acceptance

We move away from the pursuit of higher self-esteem and towards unconditional self-acceptance when we truly believe:

  • My self-worth can never be rated using external criteria. Doing so is illogical: I am already enough.
  • There is no rational reason for me to feel bad about or change the core of who I am. Any “imperfections” I have actually help to make me more unique, special and truly beautiful.
  • My actions, achievements and failures can be rated and improved when they help me to live a more fulfilling life. They can not be used to define me or my worthiness.
  • Mistakes are normal. Indeed, they are essential for my journey, growth and development.
  • I am so much more than the thoughts, opinions and judgements of others. Opinions and judgements can not define me, as they are only a reflection of the person who is doing the judging.

Change your beliefs, change your world

Make no mistake. The journey towards unconditional self-acceptance is a difficult one.

For most of us, it requires a change to the core beliefs that we hold about ourselves. Beliefs that are very different to what much of society tells us is true. And indeed, I still struggle with it, almost every day.

But it is so important.

The benefits of self-acceptance

Unconditional self-acceptance is often the pathway for:

  • Letting go of comparison, and being mindful and grateful for what you have right now.
  • Overcoming the anxiety that comes from hiding who you truly are, and finding the courage to be your authentic self.
  • Rising above the fear of failure, and finding confidence and belief within yourself to pursue what you really want in this life.
  • Seeing that rejection does not ever mean you are unworthy, inadequate or unlovable, and helping you to find hope and resilience during difficult times.
  • Being vulnerable and open with others, and inviting the opportunity for you to cultivate a deeper sense of connection.
  • Letting go of judgement, and allowing the creativity, skills and talents that lie within you to be seen and blossom.

Self-acceptance: the gift that keeps on giving

The last (but for me, most important) outcome of unconditional self-acceptance is that it helps us to become more accepting of others, too:

  • When we see ourselves as enough, we get better at seeing others as enough.
  • When we do not judge ourselves, we get better at not judging others.
  • When we no longer feel bad or insecure about who we are, we lose the need to make others feel bad or insecure about who they are.

When we become accepting of those around us, we give them the most amazing gift: we help them to see that they are enough, and should be so proud and accepting for all of who they are, too. And with greater self-acceptance, they can also help to spread this gift.

The very first step to making the world a more accepting place is to be the change that you want to see in the world: become more accepting of you.

After all, you are enough. Exactly the way that you are.

5 common myths about breakfast

October 26, 2015 By in Nutrition that works Tags: , , , , , , 2 Comments

Myth 1. Eating breakfast boosts our metabolism.

The best scientific evidence we have shows our resting metabolic rate is not increased by eating breakfast. Indeed, research shows that even not eating anything prior to midday for 6 weeks straight does not impair our resting metabolism.

Myth 2. Eating breakfast means we eat less calories in total throughout the day.

This is not only unproven, we actually know the exact opposite is true: we eat more. This makes good sense, because when we skip breakfast, we are skipping the intake of a significant amount of calories.

Myth 3. Purposely skipping breakfast is a good strategy for weight loss.

The largest and longest study to compare the effectiveness of skipping vs. eating breakfast on weight found that skipping breakfast:

  • does not result in any significant weight loss, and
  • does not have any significant effect on our weight compared to eating breakfast.

Just because eating breakfast does not increase our metabolism, and can mean we eat more calories in total, does not mean that we should purposely skip it.

Myth 4. When we eat is more important than what we eat.

What and how much we eat is, in my view, what matters most:

  • Whilst breakfast eaters have higher nutrient intakes than breakfast skippers, high nutrient intake is (of course) dependant on eating more nutrient-rich foods.
  • Whilst breakfast eaters have better long-term health than breakfast skippers, good health is (of course) dependant on eating healthier foods.

Myth 5. There is a ‘correct’ time to eat for everybody.

Research shows that one of the most consistent predictors of body weight (outside of genetics!) is the driver of what makes us eat:

  • When we eat in reaction to our external environment and emotions, we are more likely to overeat.
  • When we eat in response to our internal hunger signals, we are less likely to overeat.

Being more conscious about eating according to hunger is one of the most effective strategies we have to prevent overeating.

For me, the biggest problem with advice about eating or skipping breakfast is that it gives the impression we must be eating at a certain time.

In general, we actually don’t.

For most of us, eating is best done by listening to the hunger signals of our body, and not by worrying about what the time is on our clock.

What makes a dog a man’s best friend?

October 22, 2015 By in Boost your happiness Tags: , , , , 1 Comment

Of course, it isn’t their ability to tell us the answer to our problems, or that they can explain why our thoughts and feelings are wrong, and how they can be improved.

Rather, I think it is simply the emotional support and connection that they provide to us by always being there, willing to listen. With a face that says, “I’m here for you. I feel with you. And I care for you. Unconditionally.”

And as you may have guessed, whenever our friends and loved ones are feeling sad or down, this is the one thing that they actually want and need from us, too.

No answers or solutions. Just connection.

A simple tip for achieving your health goals

October 19, 2015 By in Change your behaviour Tags: , , , 1 Comment

When we say we’re going to make a health change, we typically only concentrate on the ‘what’. Exercise more, meditate more or eat more fruit and vegetables, are some of the many examples.

Of course, achieving the ‘what’ will soon become a constant struggle, a battle between our conscious and unconscious mind.

A better solution is to not only call out the what, but the where, the when and the how:

“I will exercise, at the gym, on Monday after work, on my drive home.”

“I will meditate, in my bedroom, at 6:40am on Tuesday and Thursday, by setting my alarm.”

“I will eat an apple, in the park, during my Friday afternoon walk, by placing a reminder in my calendar.”

We clearly state the where, when and how for our work, time with friends, extra-curriculum activities, and favourite TV shows.

Interesting that we so often forget to apply the same simple concept for our health goals, too.

It’s healthy outside

October 15, 2015 By in Holistic health Tags: , , , Leave a comment

Research shows that our environment has a significant impact on our health, mental functioning and well-being.

When we spend time outside and connect with nature:

  • our attention is restored,
  • our thinking expands, and
  • we gain a sense of relaxation and peace within us.

Immersing ourselves into an environment with plenty of greenery, trees or water is often what’s required when we feel overly stressed, need to clear our head, or wish to deeply reflect on life’s priorities or goals. 

In order to function best, both physically and mentally, we need and thrive on connection. Not only to ourselves and to others, but also, to the natural world around us.

The real impact of grains on our health

October 12, 2015 By in Nutrition that works Tags: , , , , , Leave a comment

If you happen to get your nutrition information from Google, you have likely heard about the idea that eating grain-based foods is detrimental for your health.

Yet a wealth of scientific research actually tells us time and time again that people who eat fibre-rich grains:

You see, fibrous grains, which include wholemeal breads, high-fibre cereals, wholemeal pasta, oats and barley, are minimally processed plant foods that do not only provide fibre, but also:

  • magnesium,
  • zinc,
  • B vitamins,
  • Vitamin E,
  • resistant starch, and
  • an abundance of different antioxidants, too.

What’s more, these health benefits associated with fibrous grains are actually significantly greater than what we see for fibrous fruits and vegetables. This has been shown consistently in the literature for a:

It appears most difficult to achieve optimal health with just the fibre from fruits and vegetables alone.

To best understand the impact of grains on our health, we need to be aware that:

  1. The type of grain matters. Please note that these impressive nutrition and health benefits are mostly or completely absent in refined grain foods, such as white bread, refined cereals, white rice, biscuits, cakes and pastries. When people tell us that carbohydrates or grains are ‘good’ or ‘bad’ for us, we must remember that it is far too simplistic to assume that all carbohydrates or grains have an equal effect on our health.
  2. The amount also matters. Just 40-50 grams of fibre-rich grains a day is commonly thought to be enough for these significant health benefits to develop over time. To put this into perspective, this is only slightly more than 1 slice of wholemeal bread, or 1 bowl of oats. The idea that our diets must have grains as it’s foundation is outdated and invalid. We simply don’t have to eat a lot.

But the concern for me is that most of us seem to be falling short of the small amount that is consistently associated with optimal health. What’s more, we are now seeing the popularity of anti-grain fad diets, such as low-carb, gluten-free and Paleo, associated with a further marked decline in our grain intake.

And whilst these fad diets are correct in that we should be limiting the intake of refined grain foods, encouraging a long-term absence of fibrous grain foods from our diet is, I believe, most likely to do more harm than good.