Is to develop the ability to truly see the world just as they do.
You see, when disagreement arises with others, we have a choice. We can choose to make it either:
- Us versus them, or
- Us with them.
And together, we get to decide which one.
When we decide it’s us versus them, we follow our current thinking, and challenge the others perspective.
We defend and debate, and ensure an outcome that can only ever be win or lose (or at the very best, a compromise, where we both win a bit and lose a bit).
But when we instead decide it’s us with them, we put our current thinking aside for now, and each try to understand the others perspective. Suddenly, we’ve opened the door for internal growth, and a different outcome to appear.
Together, we can now:
- explore each of our different perspectives,
- truly understand the key issues, assumptions and values that were pulling us apart, and
- work towards the possibility of developing a shared perspective and solution. One that addresses the conflicting issues and needs that gave rise to disagreement in the first place.
When we start with listening, empathy and an appreciation for disagreement, we allow ourselves to move away from win or lose, and open the possibility for win-win.