Tag Archives: kindness

Spreading the kindness-happiness bug

November 1, 2016 By in Boost your happiness Tags: , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Want to make not only yourself happier and kinder, but also the world around you?

Here’s one way: Keep track of every act of kindness you perform today, recording your total number before you go to bed tonight. Do this every day, starting today, for the next 7 days.

(And if you’re stuck for ideas, here you go.)

How does this simple exercise work? Consider the following (and quite remarkable) scientific research:

Kindness increases happiness. Just thinking about sending kindness to others rewires the brain in a positive way, and doing the exercise I described here boosts happiness levels, on average, by more than 10%.

Happiness, in turn, further increases kindness. For example, in controlled research it has been shown that you are 4 times more likely to help another after you have been made to feel good.

Kindness is highly contagious. If you act kindly, you not only encourage the recipient of your behaviours to act more kindly. You encourage the recipient of the recipient of the recipient to act more kindly, too.

Happiness is highly contagious. If you become happy, you increase the probability that your next-door neighbour is happy by some 34%. Furthermore, becoming a new happy friend to someone can boost not only their long-term happiness by more than 4 times what them winning $15 000* would, it can even significantly boost the happiness of a friend, of a friend, of your friend!

Your emotions and behaviours are highly contagious. And because we live in extraordinarily complex social systems, they will spread far beyond what you can see, and have an impact on people who you will never meet.

How you live your life, matters.

More so than you can ever know.

[*estimated value after converting to $AU and accounting for inflation.]

How to deal with difficult emotions

August 18, 2016 By in Change your thinking Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Here’s an exercise I recommend, that takes just 5 to 10 minutes to complete:

Step 1. Sit or lie down, with your eyes open or closed, and focus on breathing deeply as you call to mind a difficult emotion you experienced recently.

It may be anger, greed, jealousy, fear, grief, or anything similar.

Step 2. Notice and reflect, for a couple of minutes, how you feel about this emotion.

Are you uncomfortable? Do you dislike it? Do you wish you could have prevented it from arising? Do you feel ashamed, or consider yourself wrong, for having this difficult feeling?

Step 3. Spend at least a minute observing what happens when you translate this emotion to a state of pain and suffering.

How does this state make you feel? How does your body react to it? Does it feel overwhelming? Is it something you want to avoid?

Step 4. Now, for at least 2 minutes, if not more, take that pain and suffering and observe it being held and surrounded by a sea of kindness and compassion. 

If any uncomfortable thoughts or feelings about having this emotion come up, notice them for a moment, and then return your attention back to the ever-flowing sea of kindness and compassion.

What does this feel like in your body? How does your body feel differently about this difficult emotion now?

This short exercise forms part of a scientifically proven program that can be used in combination with journaling and sharing how you are feeling with another, whenever difficult emotions arise.

Well worth understanding, too, a couple of the reasons why this exercise works:

  1. Unlike other strategies you may use (such as trying not to think about it, or avoiding the situation where the feeling comes up), it does not try to control the arrival of these difficult feelings.

We must remember that difficult feelings arise naturally, in all of us, as certain events unfold in our life. Judging them, or ourselves, is unhelpful. Avoiding them is impossible.

Indeed, I believe most difficult emotions are actually pre-requisites for experiencing more joy, growth and expansion in our lives.

  1. It teaches you that you don’t need to be overcome by, defined by, fall into, act from, or avoid any difficult emotion.

Because whilst you cannot prevent them from arising, you can commit to recognising them, having kindness and compassion for them, and letting their hold over you go.

No, you can’t always choose how you feel.

But yes, you can always question how you choose to feel about how you feel.

The science of love and kindness

July 26, 2015 By in Boost your happiness Tags: , , 2 Comments

Scientific research has shown how generating the feelings and thoughts of love and kindness changes us, for the better.

It not only cultivates positive emotions within us, such as joy, gratitude, contentment and hope, but it develops who we are as a human being. When we practice love and kindness, we become more self-accepting, mindful, experience greater social connectedness, improved physical health, greater purpose in life and enhanced long-term happiness.

The thing about love and kindness is that it is not a fixed trait we are born with. Rather, it is a practice we can actively develop.

Here’s one way: in a quiet space, imagine intentionally directing feelings of love and kindness from your heart to yourself and others. Start with a focused attention on just you, followed by your loved ones, your friends, strangers and then finally all beings. Throughout, simply authentically wish each group good health and happiness.

This very exercise brings about the scientific benefits described above.

Personally, this practice is one of my favourites for cultivating a life of health and happiness, and my antidote for any feelings of isolation or distrust I may have. It is a simple exercise that we can all do, and has changed my life for the better.

When we open our hearts with love and kindness, we not only grow as human beings and improve our own lives, but we of course create the opportunity to enhance the lives of others, and collectively make the world a better place.

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