Why what you are striving for matters

Research shows that the goals we strive for tomorrow have a powerful effect on the person that we are today.

When we strive for power, a control over others or the pursuit of material things, we typically languish. We get caught in a rat-race that we can never win, and can become easily distracted from what’s truly important in this life.

When we instead strive for connection, a sense of spirituality or generosity towards others, we typically flourish. Our well-being is high, our physical health good, and we find a sense of meaning, purpose and value within our everyday lives, allowing us to also enjoy the here and now.

If you want to be happy and flourish in this life, it’s not about asking what you can get from the world.

It’s about asking what the world can get from you.

The problem with pursuing happiness

Happiness is simply an emotion that arises from events external to us. When we get, achieve or do something we desire, we experience happiness.

Happiness is a pleasurable part of life, but the thing about happiness is that it almost always fades with time.

Well-being, on the other hand, is so much more than a single emotion. It is a construct that attempts to describe a life in which we flourish and thrive. Well-being includes the experience of positive emotions like joy, hope and love. But well-being also arises from:

  • growing as a person and accomplishing our goals,
  • pursuing challenging work that leverages our strengths,
  • developing deep and meaningful connections with others, and
  • giving back to them and the world in order to cultivate greater meaning and purpose within our lives.

The thing to remember is that if well-being describes the goal, happiness is usually not the path.

Rather, the path often involves hard work, failure, sacrifice, pain, risk, sadness, ridicule and heartbreak. These are almost always the prerequisites required for the personal growth, connection and meaning that allows for us to truly flourish and thrive.

Sometimes, it’s not about pursuing happiness or avoiding distress. It’s about learning to embrace the diversity of human emotional experience that comes with living the good life.

[Notes: i. Long-term happiness is defined and measured in the literature as life satisfaction. This too is more than a single emotion, and there are some ways to reliably increase life satisfaction, one which I have already mentioned. I discuss the others in future posts.

ii. The purpose of my blog is indeed to cultivate good health and well-being, which very much includes life-satisfaction, but also more. The use of the word happiness appears in my blog outline and numerous other posts as a substitute for well-being or life satisfaction, for simplicity’s sake.]

The science of love and kindness

Scientific research has shown how generating the feelings and thoughts of love and kindness changes us, for the better.

It not only cultivates positive emotions within us, such as joy, gratitude, contentment and hope, but it develops who we are as a human being. When we practice love and kindness, we become more self-accepting, mindful, experience greater social connectedness, improved physical health, greater purpose in life and enhanced long-term happiness.

The thing about love and kindness is that it is not a fixed trait we are born with. Rather, it is a practice we can actively develop.

Here’s one way: in a quiet space, imagine intentionally directing feelings of love and kindness from your heart to yourself and others. Start with a focused attention on just you, followed by your loved ones, your friends, strangers and then finally all beings. Throughout, simply authentically wish each group good health and happiness.

This very exercise brings about the scientific benefits described above.

Personally, this practice is one of my favourites for cultivating a life of health and happiness, and my antidote for any feelings of isolation or distrust I may have. It is a simple exercise that we can all do, and has changed my life for the better.

When we open our hearts with love and kindness, we not only grow as human beings and improve our own lives, but we of course create the opportunity to enhance the lives of others, and collectively make the world a better place.