What to do when change is hard

Why is changing a behaviour or emotional response so difficult?

Research shows that it’s often because we value the very part of us that causes it.

Some examples.

Those who struggle to change:

  • impulsive behaviour, value being spontaneous.
  • being perfectionist, value having drive and ambition.
  • feeling depressed, value self-reflection.
  • worrying or anxiety, value showing responsibility.
  • looking for faults, value being serious.
  • being dependant on others, value being caring.

2 thoughts on this research.

First, when change is hard, start by looking inside yourself. Changing a behaviour or emotional response requires both:

  1. An understanding of your current way of thinking. What thoughts are causing this resistance to change?
  2. The development of an alternative worldview. One that supports the change you seek.

Second, also well worth asking: should I change here?

If it is actually my strengths that are causing my unhappiness, what’s stopping me from choosing to wholeheartedly accept myself, exactly as I am?

Remember, change starts from within.

And sometimes, the change required isn’t about avoiding or fixing. It’s about accepting, and embracing, all of you.

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